Obsessive Mummy

We all know the ones right? The ones that from the moment they fall pregnant they bombard us with every tiny detail, be it in person or via social media. You know the scan pictures, the bump at this week, the baby just kicked, morning sickness, tiredness and then the baby arrives!!!

It becomes constant uploads of the baby with the 1 week old cards and so on. The first smile, the new outfit photos, the jab appointments, the midwife visits, the sleepless nights and so on.

It’s a continuous stream of information about their baby or child. Every single moment documented! I promised myself when I feel pregnant, I would not be that mummy.

True to my word I didn’t post the scan picture on my Facebook. It was my husband that announced our news to the world. A very rare thing for him to do but I think he was just on top of the world expecting identical twins.

I didn’t talk about my pregnancy with anyone except my two closest friends and of course my husband Neil. To them I would share the details but they weren’t the details you see on social media. I talked about how I didn’t have the pregnancy glow or discussed the amount of weight I was piling on due to expecting twins. I talked about the fatigue and additional supplements I had to take due to it. I talked about feeling butterflies all the time from their movements and our excitement and how we were preparing our best for the arrivals.

I have one photo of my bump. It’s a bitter sweet memory and I very rarely look at it. I took it the day after the scan when we were told their heartbeats had stopped. I’m stood in the nursery in front of the wardrobe mirror. It dawned on me that I had not taken one photo of my baby bump. When I look at the photo I treasure it but I see the pain in my eyes. I know that my babies are dead in that photo.

Neil wrote a beautiful statement on his Facebook to inform everyone as he had originally uploaded the scan photo. We had lots of sincere messages. I guess that’s why only Neil and my closest friends really felt our loss because we had not shared much of our journey with anyone else (not even immediate family). We were in our own joyous bubble and desperately providing and preparing our nest.

It felt like by the time our immediate family and friends knew a little about our pregnancy it had ended. We didn’t get to share all our baby names, or reveal their gender. I don’t believe my own father and brother have ever even seen my scan photo. They don’t know what pregnancy symptoms I was feeling or even many of our feelings.

What became a real heartache for me in particular was the fact that the nurses had taken our pregnancy folder and inside were our scan photos. We never got them back. Fortunately I had given Amy (Neil’s daughter) copies from our first scan that she attended with us and she very kindly sent me electronic copies when I asked about a year later.

So now I get it! Now I will never get fed up or annoyed with the mum that constantly posts about their baby or child. I won’t get annoyed with the expectant mother and father that constantly update us on every single detail. It’s like a dagger to my heart sometimes when I hear the news that someone has just had their healthy living baby but it’s not resentment. I might not react immediately or in the way that I should due to my own sadness but I am sincerely happy for you.

We do not know the journey that mother and father had to conceive their baby. Due to the taboo subject of infertility and pregnancy loss we will probably not know if that is their rainbow baby (a baby after miscarriage(S). We don’t know if that is the only child they will have for whatever personal reason. We don’t know if they are sharing every detail because they have limited time with their children. It may be their first and they are filled with the excitement of expecting.

So I welcome and embrace the obsessive mother and father. I welcome the constant flow of details and I hope that if we are fortunate enough to have a successful pregnancy and baby(ies) then I’m sorry in advance if I bore you with every significant detail.

I will want to treasure every moment by documenting it in some way. As I unfortunately know that being pregnant doesn’t always result in a living baby. I know how important every memory is as we don’t know when it may be the last or only one we have. I will record a pregnancy video throughout so that if I am not around to share it with my child(ren) they have something to hold onto.

I hope that one day Neil and I will be those parents that complain of lack of sleep from them or wish for some much needed “me” time. I hope that we become the parents that get frustrated with the daily challenges of raising their children. I hope that we will sit down in the evening with that much needed glass of wine and wonder if we are getting it right!

I guess what I’m trying to say is please do continue to share your precious moments at any stage of your pregnancy or parental journey. Share those memories and moments no matter how insignificant you think they are. Don’t fear that others will get bored of your constant updates or rather just don’t worry about what others think of your updates just treasure every single minute through the hard and good times. I know I will.