Worth the wait

We all know the sayings. It will be worth the wait or all good things come to those who wait. I’ve written before about just how much waiting has been involved for Neil and I in relation to trying to conceive, conceiving, losing our babies and IVF.

More recently I wrote about our miscarriage that we are still going through at the moment. I talked about having to wait for Day 1 and not knowing what exactly is Day 1.

The hospital have confirmed now that I am most definitely not pregnant (as I already knew). My HCG level is now 17. They have apologised for any confusion or heartache that may have been caused over the weekend.

Again Neil and I are not upset that we have been given the wrong information. We just wanted to know what was happening and what is the best thing for us with how my body is coping.

The EPU have booked me in for a scan next week as they believe my Day 1 started Friday and that this menstrual cycle will clear out the remainder of products left from the miscarriage.

At last we now know when my Day 1 started and what is happening. However we are not going to use this Day 1 for IVF. Following a conversation with the IVF clinic (our nurse) we all feel that the best thing to do is to…yes you guessed it, wait!

We are going to wait for my next Day 1 to ensure my womb is a happy and healthy place for our embryos. We were going to undertake a long protocol for our first frozen transfer however we are now going to do a short protocol.

This means less injections of the medication that shuts your ovaries down (gives you menopausal type side affects). In relation to timing we will have the transfer at roughly the same time we were going to if we used this menstrual cycle.

That is, if my period arrives on time and follows my usual cycle. Often this does not happen after a miscarriage. Only time will tell.

So for now Neil and I must wait again. We are ok with this wait as we want to be healthy and happy. It has been a very difficult year already with the loss of three babies, one operation, one IVF conception and one natural.

Next month is also two years since we lost Kora and Ava. I can’t believe that it is two years already. It is always an emotional time for us and I hope that this year we might be remembering them whilst embarking on our second round of IVF.

All this waiting has allowed Neil and I to reflect and talk. This has been vital for our own well being and our relationship. As we always say we don’t know if we will end up with a biological bundle of joy as no one can be sure we will but whatever our future holds we have so much to be grateful for.

In the times we have had to wait we have filled it with love and laughter. We have built memories together and with Alissa (our foster daughter) and Amy (Neil’s daughter). As a family we giggle everyday at the little things in life and for this I can not be more grateful.

In amongst the tears and the heartache we have smiled and laughed. We have picked each other up and faced each day as it arrived. We have shared our grief and pain. We have walked the hardest paths together.

Time is not a healer and each loss has been earth shattering. The waiting has often driven us crazy. What I do know though is that the wait has already been worth it.

We have 6 beautiful babies some that we have delivered and held, some that we have seen their heart beating and some we never got to see. Each one is precious!