No Sex

Ironic isn’t it! We are trying again for babies/baby and we are told at certain points through IVF treatment not to have sex.

When you are trying to conceive naturally for some it’s all about base line temperatures, ovulation dates and tests and of course regular sex.

Neil and I, although aware of when I ovulate, have always just enjoyed our bedroom activities. We did not take our temperature and the only time we undertook ovulation tests were following pregnancy losses as we were unsure when my body returned to a normal menstrual cycle.

Of course having a baby/babies have been on our mind as we wanted to become a bigger family. However we have never been strict or obsessive about it. Maybe we should have been at our age!

I guess that’s why I find it so frustrating when you get told comments like… “stop trying, relax and you will probably fall pregnant”. A note to those people that we have fallen pregnant, four times in two years. We have been blessed to fall pregnant naturally three times and once on our first attempt of IVF.

We have to be realistic about our age though so we do need to know when I ovulate. The clue is in the title ‘TRYING to conceive’. It doesn’t mean that all we can think about is babies and that is all sex has become about.

I believe we have conceived so many times in just two years because we are relaxed about our fertility journey. We know that it is all out of our hands and control. What will be, will be.

When you undertake IVF there are points when you are told to refrain or have protected sex. Our first round of IVF we had to be careful as they were stimulating my ovaries to release (hopefully) lots of eggs. What they don’t want is for you to have unprotected sex and a transfer of embryo(s) resulting in multiple pregnancy.

Multiple pregnancies are always more complicated. A fact Neil and I know only too well. So clinics undertaking IVF have a duty and responsibility to reduce the amount of multiple pregnancies. This is because they have a higher risk of complications, miscarriage and premature births.

However as I am 40 years old we are advised to transfer two embryos as it increases our chance of conceiving by 20-25%. Note it does not double our chances. This percentage is half the chance of woman under 35 years of age.

As we are undertaking a second round of IVF our embryos (fondly known as embabies) were put into the freezer. This round is known as a frozen cycle and the medication and instructions are different from the the first round.

My ovaries are not being stimulated this time as we already have our embryos collected and stored in the freezer. Therefore the stims part is about preparing the lining of my womb for transfer.

So you would think that Neil and I could resume our normal bedtime antics but you would be wrong. The clinics prefer you to refrain or have protected sex as there is a chance that a egg could be released even though we are effectively shutting down my ovaries.

On our first round we were unsure what to expect such as what the side affects would be like and how our relationship would be affected. I am not ashamed to say that we struggled and had a very difficult situation and argument following the refrain from sexual activity and all my hormones.

I won’t kiss and tell the ins and outs of our argument but I feel it important to show that we are very human and just how difficult trying to conceive, pregnancy loss and IVF can be. I am proud of us and how even in the most difficult of times we have talked, cried, laughed and loved.

This round we were a little more prepared for just how much is involved. The most important time they ask you as a couple to completely stop any sexual intercourse is after the embryo transfer.

The reason being is to allow the embryo the optimal time and the best possible chance of implanting into the uterine wall. You are asked to stop completely for about 7-14 days.

Abstaining from sex to allow time for an egg to implant is probably something most couples (including ourselves) won’t have thought about when trying to conceive naturally. The majority of people take for granted falling pregnant and when pregnant assume this will result in a live birth. I know I did with my first pregnancy.

Why would you think anything else unless you have suffered the death of your baby, pregnancy loss or miscarriage? Pregnancy is suppose to be a joyous occasion and no one wants to think that they could be that 1 in 4 that loses their baby!

So to give us the best possible chance of the IVF working and our embryo implanting we will be taking a break from sexual activity in the hope that we will be announcing a pregnancy.

So as stated above it’s an ironic concept to stop what is considered natural and essential to conceive. Instead we will be enjoying the pleasure of each other’s company in the smaller romantic gestures of kissing, hugging and quality time together.