Twelve weeks

It’s official we have reached twelve weeks. Interestingly I don’t feel relieved or safe. I am too aware that we lost Kora and Ava in the second trimester and that there are no guarantees in a pregnancy.

This past week has been very stressful due to external factors. I was so stressed it blocked all my pregnancy symptoms and we had to call the early pregnancy unit (EPU) for reassurance.

When you are pregnant everyone tells you to try and relax and not to stress as it’s not good for you or the babies. However life is not always kind and sometimes certain stress is unavoidable.

We are now having to move house, a very difficult decision as we have made our house a home. It was not our choice to move house and we would never have thought to do this while pregnant. However the situation has arisen and we are hopeful that we (as always) will make the best out of this situation.

We know that as a team we made our house now the most beautiful home. We know that we can do it again. We also know that a home is made by the people in it and we hope that our home will be welcoming another two in the near future.

I would be lying to myself if I said it will be a breeze after all buying and selling a house is in the top four most stressful things to undertake. it’s not just the moving either, it’s the preparing and decorating that will follow.

I’m not sure how much energy I will have if we are blessed to be heavily pregnant at this point. However I have been taken aback by the kindness of our friends and family who have said they will help both practically and emotionally.

I can not express my gratitude to the professional support at the EPU. They are very aware of my anxiety around this pregnancy and always offer to scan me if it puts my mind at rest.

I am also proud of myself for dealing with the stress and waiting for our twelve week scan which we had yesterday.

It was not as straight forward as I or Neil had anticipated. I thought we would be there a maximum of thirty minutes. We were actually at the hospital for three and a half hours.

Neil had to wait in the corridor until my name was called (along with all the other expectant dads). Whereas I had to sit in the waiting room. I’m not sure if it was this that set my anxiety levels off or if it was just the fact we were facing another scan.

I could feel my tears build up in my eyes as I sat and worried what we would be told today. I guess all the stress above had made me feel that the babies had been put at risk. I’m not sure I will ever feel relaxed before a scan as it has always been a scan that has given us the news that our babies have died.

It wasn’t too long before my name was called and I collected Neil from the corridor. We went into the scan room and Neil’s face looked like how I was felling. I wonder how much anxiety had overwhelmed him whilst waiting alone.

The sonographer was clearly aware of our anxiety and was quick to tell us that both babies had heartbeats. I can’t help it but the relief comes flooding out in tears.

This scan was of course the first scan that most couples would be having at this point in time. It is probably where they would be told if they were having one or two babies.

My thoughts fall on our 12 week scan for Kora and Ava which was actually when I was 13 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We had a suspicion we were having twins but the shock was clear when they confirmed it.

I can’t imagine now going through 13 weeks of pregnancy in a blissful and naive manner whilst expecting only positive news at the scan. It is crazy to think that we have already had six scans with this pregnancy.

The babies were not behaving for the scan. Twin one was curled up and playing with its cord (something that frightened me to see as it was the cords that cut off Kora and Ava’s blood supply). Twin 2 was jumping all over the place.

This made it very hard for the sonographer to confirm that the babies had their vitals such as bladder, stomach, two parts of the brain etc. Due to this and after 30 minutes of trying to measure them she asked us to go for a walk and have a sugary snack.

We then had to wait again (separated as before) until my name was called again. The second time took a further 30 minutes but eventually we had the confirmation that all looked text book perfect at this stage.

Due to my age I was also had a blood test to screen for various syndromes. We had this with Kora and Ava too and their results came via letter indicating a low chance of any syndromes. We have to wait for the results for up to 7 working days.

After the scans Neil was asked to leave the hospital whilst I was asked to remain to see the midwife and ensure I was given an appointment with the twin pregnancy consultant.

After a long wait the midwife called me over and her opening question was is this my first pregnancy and did we just find out today that I was pregnant with twins.

I have to be honest my heart sank a little when she asked these questions. It adds to the worry that they are not going to look after us as they should.

To my surprise after I told her our history she admitted that we were not looked after properly in relation to Kora and Ava and also that we should have been scanned much more.

This would not have changed the outcome of what happened but maybe it would have prepared Neil and I for what was meant by our high risk pregnancy.

With all this in mind the midwife stated that this time we would be seen regularly not only for scans but by the twin consultant and the twin midwife team. She then handed me a folder with all appointments completed except our 20 week scan.

They will call us to confirm the 20 week scan as we are actually 20 weeks on Christmas Day or Boxing Day (give or take as no one can agree on how pregnant I am).

The midwife gave me some contact numbers but stated we can’t use or call them until we are 22 weeks pregnant. In the meantime it is the EPU’s responsibility to look after me. This is because medically babies are not considered viable until 24 weeks!

She also told me that I won’t have a standard midwife. I will be seen at the hospital during the appointments she gave me by the twin pregnancy midwives. I’m not sure how confident I feel about this as I think I would like a named person I can call at anytime. However I am hopeful that they intend to look after us well this time.

Of course the news we received yesterday was the best we could expect. Everyday we edge a little closer to that photograph and to bringing them home.

There is so much happening in our lives at the moment and it is both scary and exciting. What keeps me grounded is that as a family unit we are solid. I know that we can make a house a home and I know how much love our home is filled with. It also helps to be married to a handyman and carpenter!

I guess all these situations are sent to try us and what better way to prepare us for twins then to send us unexpected and unnecessary challenges!