Twenty weeks

It’s been a very long twenty weeks for us. Our pregnancy has been full of anxiety, scans and medical visits but we have made it to twenty weeks.

At our very first scan at the IVF clinic they consultant told us about disappearing twin and stated it can happen up to twenty weeks. It was an added concern at the time of an already anxious filled pregnancy but we are at that point and both babies are still growing!

Neil and I were a little more relaxed about going for this scan. It was only just over a week ago I had to attend the hospital due to a very unpleasant skin condition. I had to have blood tests and swabs.

During that appointment the midwife listened to both babies heartbeats. This meant that Neil and I knew just over a week ago the twins were doing well.

We walked into the hospital a little more confident than usual (Neil more so than me). I went to the toilet before the scan and then sat in the waiting room while Neil waited in the corridor.

I looked down at my new white shoes Neil had brought me for Christmas and was shocked to see a drop of blood on them. I panicked and text Neil saying I wanted to go to the toilet again to check if I was bleeding but was worried I would miss my name.

The anxiety got the better of me. It’s probably the first time I had been to the toilet and couldn’t remember if I had checked for bleeding. I went to the toilet to check but all was ok. Neil realised it was my toe that had started bleeding from the shoe rubbing which I had not felt.

I guess it was a stark reminder that I am still worried that there is a chance that we won’t bring the babies home and the fact there is no safe point in a pregnancy.

Neil and I were called quite quickly after that for the scan. It was the lady that had scanned me before during our last miscarriage and with the twins now. The lady whose eyes filled up when she was able to give me the good news about our twins.

I noticed Neil looked to the floor until she quickly said two healthy strong heartbeats. The sonographer was happy with both twins anatomy. However when she got to the girl she asked if she could preform an internal scan.

I knew this couldn’t be positive. She told us that her placenta is covering the birth canal/cervix. It’s called placenta previa. It is common in multiple pregnancies and at my age.

It affects 1 out of 3 pregnancies. 1 in 200 pregnancies continue with placenta previa into third trimester whereas 90% correct as the baby grows and the uterus expands.

It can result in bleeding in the pregnancy and ultimately if it continues to third trimester it can be dangerous to both mother and baby. A natural birth is not possible as they will not want the mother to go into labour due to the brisk bleeding that puts both mum and baby at risk.

The consultant told us that they will monitor us and see if the placenta moves and by week 34 we will have a birth plan of either natural or c-section. I have also been put on pelvic rest (no intercourse or intense physical activity).

The consultant also gave me the results of my swabs and bloods. I’m unsure what the skin condition was but it has resolved and I am told my results are good.

Ultimately I am not worried that we might have to undergo a c section if it means we are all safe and we all get to go home. Kora and Ava gave me the experience of a natural birth for which I am blessed.

What I am upset about is it’s a complication and a added worry that I was hoping to avoid in this pregnancy. I would prefer to have a natural birth purely because I don’t react well to operations and I want to be more aware of this birth as we have been through so much to bring our babies home.

There is also the financial impact of both being self employed and the recovery time impacting on what I can do with both babies on my own and how long Neil can stay with me.

Our plan is to save money so Neil and I can have about 3-4 weeks off together at the start but with the cost of building a loft room or moving house for the space required for our foster daughter and Neil’s daughter. A c section will be an added financial burden that we need to be aware of as we may need more time off together.

Most people will tell you that having one baby is expensive enough. Having two is literally double the cost! Again we are being sensible with what we will purchase and we have organised second hand for some of the expensive things.

We are very grateful to a friend of mine who just gave us a years worth of twin clothes for a boy and a girl particularly tiny baby clothes. Other people in our lives have also given us baby stuff or offers of help. These acts of kindness are truly appreciated even if it is a bit overwhelming.

We have finally purchased a few things ourselves but they are the things we will immediately need like the car seats to bring the babies out of hospital and home.

It’s all starting to feel more real especially with feeling her move regularly. I can’t feel him still due to where his placenta is lying.

I am going to try not to worry to much about the placenta pervia at this moment in time and I’m going to remain optimistic that it will move as they told me it is covering slightly not fully.

Well I tell myself I won’t worry but I can’t help tears filling my eyes now and then when I think of this complication and the risk. What mother and father want any risk to their babies?

I also feel a little disappointed that I couldn’t have just one easy uncomplicated pregnancy. I feel like I let Neil down and some how end up adding extra stress.

Hopefully on our next scan (25th January) she will have grown and they will have pushed my uterus out more making her placenta move out of the way.