Pregnant in a pandemic

Neil and I know how blessed we are to be pregnant and we of course embarked on this knowing there was a pandemic. However we did this due to my age and because we had been trying long before Covid existed. There was also light at the end of the tunnel or so we all thought.

We did put our fertility journey on hold at the start of the pandemic when everyone was unsure about Covid and the implications. We talked about whether bringing children into this world was the right thing to do.

Of course it is a very personal choice and Neil and I have as much right as any other individuals to want to have biological children together. There has been some very nasty comments on social media around IVF and having a baby now with the help of science.

I choose to ignore these comments and feel that they are from uneducated narrow minded individuals or ignorant people. I am however always happy to talk about our journey and decisions and help raise awareness to prevent such nastiness or ignorance.

If you follow my blog or know us personally then you will be aware that we had three pregnancies in 2020 and two of them were during the pandemic.

Our first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. This was our fourth pregnancy in total at that point and we should have been monitored closely from the moment we fell pregnant with our past and history.

Unfortunately the pandemic was new at this time and there were a lot of unknowns. This resulted in our pregnancy being overlooked. We understood why and appreciated the strain on medical professionals at this moment in time. This did not make it any easier on us though.

We fell pregnant for the fifth time (this time through IVF). There is never any guarantees with IVF that you will be fortunate enough to fall pregnant and the process is very hard.

We had two embryos implanted. There is an assumption that this will result in twins however the reality at our age is that it gives us just 5% more chance of even falling pregnant.

As you are probably aware we were blessed to fall pregnant with our third set of twins. I am very open and honest about the anxiety around this pregnancy and the impact it has had on both Neil and I.

The pandemic only heightens my anxiety for many reasons. When we suffered our miscarriage I had to go into the hospital alone for the confirmation scans, follow up scans, medical management etc. Neil had to sit in the car in the car park.

It was very difficult times to be forced to be separated when both of us were suffering with a loss and grief. All we both wanted was to be there for each other but the restrictions made this impossible.

During this current pregnancy Neil was initially asked to remain outside for our earlier scans. He was allowed in the hospital but had to sit in the corridor outside of the ward.

As we were under 12 weeks the chances of being told that the babies heartbeats had not formed or had stopped were significantly high especially with our history.

The anxiety around the scans has and still is very intense as we fall in the 10% off unknown cause for pregnancy loss. In other words they can’t tell us why everything looks text book perfect and then within a week the heartbeats have stopped.

If you can imagine for a minute how difficult it is to relax and not worry from week to week after so many experiences of loss following perfect scans. I have mentioned before that I have never experienced pain or bleeding or any signs that our pregnancies have ended. We only ever get told this news at a scan.

Now that we are at the official medical acceptance of our pregnancy (over 20 weeks) Neil is allowed in the scans. He has to wait in the corridor regardless of the delay or time of wait and I have to sit in the waiting room, until my name is called when I’m allowed to collect him.

It’s not what I thought about when we fell pregnant. I hadn’t anticipated being separated throughout our pregnancy appointments.

Neil is not allowed in the midwife appointments or consultant appointments with me and when we find out complications such as placenta previa, it is myself that has to take in the information and ask the questions.

The responsibility lies on me to remember the facts and relay the information to Neil without my fear, anxiety, opinions or interpretation being imposed onto him. He also has to rely on me to ask questions he might have (that is if he has time to think about them before being asked to leave and sit in the car).

We are 22 weeks pregnant, a milestone that we have never reached in our previous pregnancies. Yet I have not seen a midwife. when you are pregnant with one baby you are given a midwife by 16 weeks. This midwife becomes your point of contact for any concerns, questions or queries.

When you are pregnant with multiples you remain under the care of the hospital. We had this with our identical twin girls Kora and Ava. However we weren’t seen within the correct timescales and before we knew it we were delivering them sleeping.

In this pregnancy at 22 weeks we still haven’t seen the midwife. You don’t get assigned a midwife as such. You attend the multiple birth clinic on a Monday and a team of three midwives will share the responsibility of seeing you (or rather me as Neil is not allowed to attend).

We have only seen the consultant twice rather than any of the midwives. This is due to the placenta previa which meant we saw the consultant again.

I personally find this very difficult for reasons I have stated but also because I have questions that I want to check or ask but have no point of contact to do this.

I have fears too due to the pandemic that something will be missed or we will be overlooked. I feel these are rational fears due to our experiences to date where protocol hasn’t been followed or things have been missed.

Everyone was hoping 2021 would become a little easier and the vaccine gave us hope of light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately it is winter and the virus has changed to one that spreads easier and quicker. The hospitals are over run and the pressure on the NHS is immense.

I worry about going into the hospital for the regular pregnancy checks (more often and frequent than a singleton pregnancy). We are walking into the very place that is overloaded with Covid patients.

We have come so far and protected the babies with precautionary behaviour. How do we know we are doing the right thing when we enter that building? Of course we want our pregnancy to be monitored like any other person, it’s just an unusual situation to find ourselves in.

The pandemic seems to be exaggerating my fears. I worry that Neil’s medical condition is something far more sinister then it appears and he will experience delayed medical treatment because of COVID-19.

I worry that the placenta won’t move and that I will go into early labour (something we know can be fatal to both the baby and myself). I worry that after all we have been through to have biological children it will be taken away because the NHS is overwhelmed and will miss something vital.

I read that it is very common at this stage of the pregnancy to feel overwhelmed and suffer with fear. This is obviously my fifth pregnancy but I’ve never got this far before. It’s all new to me from this point forward and I don’t know who to talk to.

There are no anti-natal classes and no groups are running due to the pandemic. As stated we don’t have a midwife and the clinic runs on a Monday so I’m not sure when and who to phone.

I don’t know if the labour, contractions and delivery will be similar to what we experienced before with Kora and Ava or if it will be different (if I can have a natural birth).

I don’t know how early the twins will come if we have to have a c section and I worry about how I will cope with two babies, a foster daughter, a husband who will have to work and the family pets.

What will Covid look like at the start of April to the start of May? Will I be allowed support and will it be only one person? Will our first photos be with face masks? Do I have to wear a face mask through delivery? Will people be able to hold our babies? How far will be allowed to travel for them to meet their grandad who lives an hour away?

Will we be able to have visitors in our home? Can I have more than one person visit in a week to help out where needed? How do I plan for work if I have to have a c section and I don’t know what routine will look like? Will our house/building works be ready to make life a little easier?

Finally I’ve found the pregnancy to be very lonely due to the pandemic. I’ve not had excited visits from friends and family as it’s not allowed. People have not been able to touch my belly or hug me. I’ve not been able to show people what we have brought or get the build up of excitement around this.

There are no family or friends photos of us while I’m pregnant. No classes for me to join and find out information. No preparation for labour and breathing (if I’m allowed). No external household help to organise the house or nursery. No visits to the shops to try out the pram we want to get.

We are so blessed to even be pregnant and to get this far which only adds to my guilt for feeling any of the above. No one ever knows what’s around the corner and we can’t plan for what we don’t know is going to happen.

Being pregnant with twins and the possibility of bringing them home getting nearer is truly remarkable. I have to keep telling myself that after all we have been through it’s ok for me not be glowing or having the text book happy pregnancy that most do. It’s natural for our anxiety and fear to be exasperated especially in a pandemic. We can only take each day as it comes and know how fortunate we are to be a day closer.