Enjoy it while you can…

They grow up everyone says.

Since walking about with the pram I have been stopped on many occasions especially if people look in and spot two babies in the one carrier.

I find it interesting what people say to me. normally the first question I get is “are they twins”? I wonder if it’s the surprise of seeing two that makes them ask this question.

I think to myself how would I have two small babies otherwise! If I answered with no I stole one and the other one I gave birth to, I wonder what reaction I would get?

They then ask me the gender and I reply by saying one boy and one girl. Often I’m then asked if they are identical. This baffles me and I hold myself back from answering, well no one has a willy and the other one a vagina.

I take all these comments and questions with a pinch of salt as ultimately I am happy to talk to the world about the twins. After all we have been through enough to bring them home!

I am often surprised when people ask me if there are twins in my family or sometimes very directly ask me if the conception was natural.

Obviously I have written publicly about our IVF and the reasons we decided to undertake it. I am not embarrassed or ashamed with having a little bit of help with science after all look what we have now!

I also know that the majority of our pregnancies were natural conception and that too makes us extremely blessed.

Sometimes I answer with the truth if I get a good vibe from the person but other times I just state that I’m an old mum and therefore had more chance of having twins.

I wonder what they would answer if I asked them about how they conceived their babies? I wonder if they would see it as a personal question?

However what I never understand is the throw away comment about enjoy it now while you can they grow up or they turn into this (pointing at their older child) or they become teenagers.

Again I am amazed that they assume these are our only children and that Neil and I haven’t already been through the growing up stage with other children.

I appreciate that the majority say this statement in jest. However they continue to say how much harder it is as they grow up.

But what I find hardest with this comment is the idea that the babies are the only enjoyable time. I guess as Neil and I have lost babies we might come from a different perspective.

We treasure every moment that we have with Layla and Kayden. I don’t mind admitting that I shed a few tears when I look back on photos or box up the tiny baby and up to one month clothes.

I want them to grow and flourish and every new stage or milestone we hit gives me more butterflies in my tummy. I know I feel saddened but this is because I want to cherish and savour every moment. I want time to slow down so I can truly appreciate every moment.

We also can’t wait to love and nurture them more and more as they grow up. We look forward to the future to their first words, the day they get their teeth, first steps, day trips to the zoo and other outings, school days and teenage years.

We look forward with anticipation of what and who they will become. We hope that we instil good values and beliefs. We hope that we raise respectful, honest and loving children.

It still feels so raw to me that we have lost so many babies and that we didn’t get to bring Kora and Ava home. I guess it’s this that makes our behaviour and reflections different to others.

I still struggle often with how to answer people when they ask “are these your first”? It would be so much easier to say yes and not have to explain or feel that awkwardness. Yet I can’t bring myself to say that and dismiss Kora and Ava or our other babies.

They too mean the world to me and I can’t imagine a day when I won’t mention them or be proud of what they gave us. They too are my babies, my children.

I can’t bare the thought of them being insignificant or just some photos and bits in a memory box that’s shoved in a drawer.

Kora and Ava were the start for us. They are the reason we had hope. We knew we could have healthy babies and progress in a pregnancy because of them.

They were the reason we did IVF and the reason we are now blessed with Layla and Kayden. They gave us the strength to keep going and not give up on our dream to bring our babies home.

At times I might have felt like we couldn’t keep going on due to the heartache and I might have said this now and then to close friends but deep down there was a calling in my heart, I knew I was not ready to give up.

My love for Amy and Alissa, Kora and Ava gave me the incentive to keep going. Without all of these beautiful girls in my life I would not have had the burning desire to be a mum again.

We couldn’t be happier with our family and when people make the comment one of each so that’s it then, job done, I smile. The truth is I would do it all again and I would happily have more twins.

Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful for what we have and if we don’t do it all again then I am the happiest woman in the world but if we did do it all again and extended our family further I would also be the happiest woman alive.

I guess what I am trying to say is that comments and assumptions can be so loaded unintentionally. We often speak to others without knowing their background and what we perceive as a throw away innocent comment, could be a very difficult statement for the other person.

It’s ok how we answer and it’s nice that strangers make conversation. We have to do what feels right for us and I hope that I do this tentatively and with respect. I hope that I raise a little awareness and that I make others think.

I hope that the world keeps asking questions or making comments and I hope that my answers makes people think about how they approach their comments. I hope that I get the world talking about pregnancy loss, miscarriage, fertility, IVF with a confidence and sensitivity that it requires.