Tick box

Tuesday evening I was coming home from work and walked indoors at about 8:50pm. I was met by Neil holding Kayden.

This is unusual as he is normally asleep then and both our babies are quite placid and only need comforting when something is needed.

Neil was in the kitchen checking on our dinner, Kayden and Layla were in their safe and supposedly secure nursing pillow. Neil had just got into the kitchen which is three steps away when he heard a thud!

Kayden had somehow over powered the nursing pillow and had fallen onto the floor from the sofa.

Neil believes he hit his head on the coffee table in front of the sofa as Kayden was laying face down on the floor. He had a bump on his head and a scratch on his upper eyelid.

Neil thought we should stay at home and monitor him but I felt as it was a head injury and we were unsure of what happened exactly we should take him to the hospital.

This was a big decision as Kayden’s blood results showed that his neutrophils were still dangerously low at 0.4 this time. Taking him into the hospital with all the bacteria is a dangerous environment for him.

On the car journey up there, Neil looked at me in a way that I recognised as worry that I blamed him. He asked me if I was ok. I think he expected me to be upset or angry with him.

I wasn’t. I was worried about how I manage on my own with the babies and how I can assure their safety at those times.

When we arrived at the hospital they put us in an area on our own so we reduced the risk of Kayden getting infections. We were seen quite swiftly at first.

When the doctor evaluated Kayden he said he was happy that it was minor and was going to discharge us. He then spoke with his supervisor and came back to ask us to show him a picture of what Kayden was in.

They decided that we should be assessed by a paediatric doctor to ensure that Kayden didn’t have anymore marks on his body and that they were going to refer us to social services Multi Agency Safeguarding team.

Neil wanted to walk out of the hospital as it was getting so late now and the babies were becoming unsettled. He was also very angry at the decision.

Of course we didn’t walk out but I did speak my mind to the nurse and doctor. I couldn’t quite believe that they made us walk Kayden through the majority of the hospital to the ward.

They put Kayden at more risk than he has ever been in so they could assess whether we were safe, loving and nurturing parents.

I told them how disappointed I was that they would put him at risk to supposedly safeguard him and tick their boxes.

When I started I found I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t rude but I raised the fact that we lost Kora and Ava and we’re not scanned within protocol.

I expressed how they have changed how they deal with MCMA twins since our loss and that if we had received the care we should have got maybe just maybe they would be alive today.

I spoke about the visual autopsy and the fact the results should have been given to us within 6 weeks yet we waited 6 months for confirmation of asphyxiation.

I told them how hard it was for grieving parents to wait day in and day out to be given the results and how disappointed we were in being overlooked.

I spoke about the bereavement service and how she referred to Kora and Ava being alien like in looks as they were earlier than 24 weeks.

I mentioned our recent miscarriage before Kayden and Layla when we were overlooked due to the pandemic. Another baby lost because they didn’t meet the procedures and protocols they should follow.

I raised that I was forgotten about when I delivered the twins and although my levels were low enough to indicate I should have a blood transfusion I wasn’t given it until almost a week later when I required 2 pints.

I talked about Kayden’s placenta being cut when they made the incision for the c section resulting in him coming out not breathing.

I ended with the fact that to tick a box and check that Neil and I are decent parents they made us walk our son through the hospital putting him at risk of catching an infection!

We have been let down so significantly by the hospital not fulfilling their requirements yet they had the audacity to assess our capabilities to look after our children appropriately.

This was the first time we had attended the hospital. Kayden had not been in numerous times for accidents. I am still unsure why they felt the need to tick their box on this occasion.

The doctor listened to what I said and suggested I contact the hospital as the only way they could change their processes is with feedback. He told us that he could clearly see that Kayden is a loved and very happy baby. He had no concerns.

Needless to say when I took the call from the Social worker she informed me that they would be closing the case with no action required.

I did ask if I was missing something in my inexperience with having the twins. I asked about how I go to the toilet when I’m on my own with them as it means leaving them unattended in a safe place (like they were when Kayden fell)!

I asked how I get two babies in from the car as it means one is unattended and both are left alone at one time either indoors or in the car as I carry them in one by one safely.

I was told by her that I am absolutely doing my best and they don’t have the answers with twins. She also recommended that I write to the hospital in relation to putting Kayden at risk to tick that box.

I have been left feeling hurt and a little angry. Our twins are loved so much and we went through so much to have them here in our arms. The thought that a professional might think that we would do anything to hurt them is heartbreaking.

The fact that they put Kayden at risk to assess him and us is disgraceful. The thought of him getting an infection that he can’t fight and being hospitalised is unbearable.

Finally as a mum who is new to the baby aspect of mothering, it has made me worry more than I already did! It has knocked my confidence and undermined me.

Neil and I would never do anything to harm any of our children (step, foster/bonus or biological). We work hard at being parents and hope that we achieve our best with love and nurture.

We will of course make mistakes and have done with our eldest two (Amy and Alissa). However these mistakes are not harmful. There is no guidebook to being a parent and all we can do is apologise, learn and do our very best!