Are they good babies?

It’s another question that I have been asked on so many occasions since bringing the twins home. Are they good babies?

I am assuming the person asking is referring to how the babies are sleeping, whether they cry much or fuss about everything. Basically are they easy babies?

I have never felt comfortable with this question but I understand it’s an ice breaker for some and for others it’s an opportunity to check if their baby is developing similarly.

I guess I don’t feel comfortable with the question because ultimately it is my parenting capability that helps make the babies happy, sad, frustrated, develop and meet their milestones.

I am currently listening to a book (I no longer have time to read a book and even listening to it is taking forever with lack of time) it’s about what scientists know and what parents practice.

It is an aid to understanding how to help your baby be happy by how you parent. It discusses that an expectant mother can have an impact on the baby before their birth.

This filled me with dreed upon reading as my pregnancy was an extremely anxious time and I wondered what impact that had on the babies.

As a new mum to newborn babies I often question myself and my parenting abilities. When I look at my babies and they are physically showing frustration by screaming and clenching their fist, I instantly Google if this is the norm.

I am aware that as they develop they become frustrated due to being unable to communicate what they want (or because mum can’t figure it out). However I wonder if the screaming and fist clenching is normal behaviour or if I’m failing and causing a miserable baby.

I’m not sure how you define a good baby? All I know from my little nine months experience with newborns is that it’s a massive learning curve and a baby has so much adjusting to do in the world they have entered.

I also feel that my answer to that question is guarded. As a mum to babies we didn’t get to bring home, I feel guilt at this question or rather my answer and how honest I should be.

These babies were wanted so much and we went through hell and back to bring them home. By answering the question honestly that we have good days and hard days I feel like I’m not grateful for what we tried so hard to have.

Yesterday, I was brought to tears on several occasions. Both babies are teething, both have a cold and both are going through the separation and anxiety stage.

This does not mean that they are not good babies, it is all part of their development. It does somehow make me put pressure on myself to be a better mum in dealing with these situations particularly as I am predominantly on my own with them.

So when I was cutting their food up for lunch and out of sight of them I had a little cry. I felt exhausted. I had just had my second poo explosion of the day resulting in a change of clothes again.

The dog had ignored all my commands that morning, the babies had been a little more vocal and whinging because they were full of cold.

I had attempted to take them on my own to a soft play place as my baby group had been cancelled last minute. In hindsight this wasn’t my best decision!

As Kayden clang onto me and wouldn’t let me put him down without crying his eyes out and Layla would then follow suit, I saw the other mums.

They were watching me and could see on this day I was struggling with two babies on my own. Not one of them reached out or made conversation with me. Yet they spoke to each other and asked about each other’s babies with their new mum affiliation.

I felt so lonely and then flooded with guilt for feeling this as I have what we wanted and tried so hard to have. How can I be lonely or sad when I have the most precious gift anyone could ever be blessed with and not just one but two?!

Later that day after struggling with nap times with Kayden refusing to sleep and when he finally did I had ten minutes to shovel food in me before Layla woke, I went for a walk with them.

I was still very teary as both babies cried when putting them in their pram suits and into the pram. Whilst walking Layla screamed in frustration at me most of the time as she wanted to be in arms.

I bumped into a lady with a beautiful dog and she started a conversation with “oh twins”. I braced myself for the questions that followed including are they good babies?

When in fact she told me she is a twin mum to eight year olds, a girl and a boy. She then told me how hard it was at their age and she remembers when they started to crawl and walk she didn’t leave the house for a year!

She said that she felt so guilty as her babies were IVF and wanted so much but that having two at the same time was challenging. She refers to it not being the same as her friends who had two or more babies at different ages. With a smile on her face she said only a mum of multiples would understand that.

I almost burst into tears. I was grateful that she recognised my achievements of even getting out of the house. She didn’t ask if they were good babies as Layla screamed at me for not pushing the pram and not because of Layla’s screaming but because of a natural and mutual understanding.

She also filled me with fear of the next development stages and how I will manage that day in and day out but I also felt like I would find my way somehow.

So to answer the question are they good babies? They are the most amazing and fantastic babies finding their way in this world we brought them into.

I am the best mum I can be to them and I try my hardest every day. I learn each day and I make mistakes. Every night I kiss them and tell them I will be a better mum tomorrow and I mean it with all my heart as I continue to learn.

I guess it all goes back to the time old question about nature and nurture. No baby is born bad or good. All I know is these babies are loved and nurtured by so many.

I may make mistakes or question my ability as their mum but my intentions are good and come from the heart. I read and research parenting skills, I check development and milestone information.

I try my absolute best but most importantly I love them with all my heart regardless of if they are screaming, crying or sleeping like a baby.

They are cuddled, provided for, helped to develop and grow and loved more than there are stars in the sky! They are the not just good babies, they are the best!