Death Certificate

Another blogger that writes about baby loss awareness that I follow, posted about the fact that her babies death certificate shouldn’t be something she owns.

I absolutely understand that this is definitely not the paperwork any parent would wish to own especially the process of going to a registry office to have it completed whilst surrounded by parents who got to bring their babies home.

Yet I remember feeling as though my grief and experience was belittled by the world and there was no recognition of our babies death. We did not get a death certificate for Kora and Ava.

They were under 24 weeks and considered medically as non viable. This meant that if they were born alive under 24 weeks they would not survive.

This medical term has not been reviewed or updated for a long time and as many of you are probably aware, there has been babies born under 24 weeks that have survived.

Kora and Ava were delivered at nearly 19 weeks. Neil and I went through the labour and delivery of our babies. Our babies were put into a tiny basket for us to look at or hold for as long as needed.

There was no screaming or crying from our babies. The room was silent other than our broken hearts and sobs.

They were then taken away to the hospital morgue where they would stay until their funeral.

The only paperwork we completed was funeral ones. We signed forms in relation to autopsies.

We walked out of the hospital with no car seats carrying our babies. We came home to a beautifully decorated nursery that would remain empty.

We were given a box to bring home that contained seeds to plant, teddies, a book, footprints and handprints and some photographs of our babies.

This box is all we have. We don’t have many memories to hold onto. We have the songs we picked for their funeral. We have the cards from loved ones passing on sympathy.

What we don’t have is any legal recognition of all we endured. We have no legal documentation stating that our babies were delivered and then cremated. We do not have a death certificate for Kora and Ava.

Sometimes it feels that society or the medical profession undermine the loss that we went through with the archaic terms and procedures.

Although I will never “get over” the loss of our identical twins girls nor will the world ever feel the same again without them, over time I have come to terms with this.

Time is no healer and the pain will always be raw but I have learnt to live with a piece of me that is missing.

Layla and Kayden have helped me to live each day with laughter and smiles and with them that comes in an abundance!