Saddened and Maddened

In the news this week they reported about Britney Spears (famous singer) who at 40 has lost her baby.

The press printed Britney’s personal tweet on Twitter where she states that maybe they shouldn’t have announced the pregnancy as early as they did but they got carried away with the excitement.

I am desperately saddened by the news of their loss and know so many that can relate to this heinous circumstance.

I am also a little maddened inside. 1 in 250 pregnancies result in a sleeping baby. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a pregnancy loss/miscarriage.

Why should a parent wait to announce their pregnancy? Why is 12 weeks plus considered the safe point to announce a pregnancy? There is no guarantees in any pregnancy!

Why should the parents not be excited at the start that they are growing another little human being? Why should they hold onto this news? Why can’t they tell the world their exciting news at the point that they want to?

If more people talked about their pregnancy earlier than 12 weeks then more people would be aware of just how many have the heartbreak of miscarriage.

Maybe pregnancy loss and miscarriage would not be such a taboo subject! Maybe grieving parents wouldn’t feel they had to announce that they were pregnant but they suffered a loss or worse still hide it!

How do you announce that you were pregnant but you’ve had a miscarriage? How do you say to your nearest and dearest that you were expecting but now your not?

If for a moment we imagined a world where at the point that you got those two lines on that stick, you did a magical announcement in whatever fun or quirky way you wanted.

That there was not a 12 week wait for the scan photo but a wonderful announcement straight away. Imagine how many people would be able to feel supported in their loss and grief when they shared it!

Neil and I waited for the 12 week scan with Kora and Ava. We did a minimal but happy announcement that we were expecting not just one but two babies.

We got to second trimester! We passed the so called safe point to announce but we never got to bring them home! We delivered them in the quiet, stillness of a hospital ward. We experienced the labour and the complications that birthing children can bring.

We held our babies in the palm of our hands. Small, delicate and perfect! We left the hospital without them…we never got to bring them home.

We had a nursery beautifully presented and prepared where the cot laid bare and unused. We packed away the things that we had purchased. We dismantled all the furniture and we carried on without them.

Broken and in a world we no longer knew how to function in! Faced with seeing people who wondered where the bump had gone so soon! The silence of awkwardness as no one knew what to say. The crossing of roads so as not to pass the grieving parents.

The gloom and doom that entered a room and killed a party or atmosphere. The couple with the fake smile or the tears that no one could handle.

THE TABOO!

What saddens me is the fact that in Britney’s and her partners time of loss and grief they felt that they had to justify their announcement. We live in a world where miscarriage is silenced. Where pregnancy loss is difficult to talk about.

We live in a world where this blog might get a comment but otherwise be read or even ignored because the subject is so very tough. We all want a happy ending and in a world where there can be so much sadness we can choose to look the other way.

I want to live in a world of kindness! On the week on Mental health awareness I want the world to understand that a loss of a baby at whatever gestation is a loss that has a massive impact on one’s mental health.

Let’s get the conversation started! Let’s change the taboo. Let us be kind to those that suffer. 💕