Merry & Bright

There are always times of the year that are harder than others. Christmas is one of those times. It’s impacted by the fact it’s the due date of Kora and Ava (20th December).

It’s such a magical time of year but along with bringing joy it can bring so much sadness too! It’s hard to have a house full of love and laughter when there are little feet and special people missing from around the table!

This year has been one of the most magical times so far. Layla & Kayden are of an age where they understand much more. As a parent I am getting the opportunity to fill their Christmas with magical memories to hold onto forever.

I am starting my own new traditions such as North Pole snow with a letter from Santa. I’ve purchased the special plate to leave Santa and of course Rudolph a little treat on Christmas Eve something I never did as a child.

For the first time we decorated the tree with the help from Layla and Kayden. A poignant moment I’ve waited for, for such a long time.

Every morning we open the advent calendars and we explain how many more sleeps till Ho Ho (the name they call Santa).

We talk about Ho Ho coming and leaving a stocking at the end of the bed. Kayden asks for a train and explains to me that Ho Ho is up in the sky! Layla asks for a pink unicorn as these are her two most favourite things at the moment.

My heart is truly brimming with joy and love to have this opportunity to make Christmas so special for them! I am also overwhelmed with the content I feel having these two beautiful children in my life.

This doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t ache for Kora and Ava because it does! I feel conflicted at so many points when my head fills with thoughts of what Christmas and what it would be like with two identical five year olds.

Yet I have never felt so much privilege and joy to create these moments in time. I now understand when my dad says Christmas isn’t the same anymore.

His children are grown up and the magic is no longer there for him. I never really understood as Christmas was always magical to me even as an adult but now it’s a whole new magical experience!

The excitement and innocence of Layla & Kayden is beautiful to witness and I know that each year while they are still small it will become more and more magical as their understanding develops and the belief sets in.

So it is very hard to be somber and very emotionally conflicting as we approach the due date of Kora and Ava. It’s also difficult not having mum here as both her and dad tried so hard to make Christmas magical in their own way.

Yet, my heart is full and so incredibly happy! This year I will quietly toast to the ones that aren’t here but will revel and enjoy every single moment with the beautiful ones that are here!

Merry Christmas and I hope the season is kind to you.