I remember when Neil and I were trying for babies and were pregnant again with Layla and Kayden we said we didn’t want to be those parents that allowed their children in their bed until they were four years old!
It’s funny when you are an expectant parent and you have all these grand plans of what you think you will do or achieve with your children.
We even thought at one point that we would have potty training done and dusted by two and a half and there was a time when it felt like it was going that way!
Yet here we are at just over three years old and still trying to potty train! Even though we are having some success still since the age of two we still haven’t achieved it yet!
I also remember thinking I would be that therapeutic parent at all times and that I would nurture my children so incredibly beautifully! Don’t get me wrong my children are loved and nurtured but I am most definitely not the therapeutic parent at every given moment!
I don’t always deal with a situation the best way when I’m exhausted from working a 60-70 hour week whilst having the children at home with me. I’m often exhausted from being the parent that has to do everything even though their father is amazing and always on hand!
This leads me to become agitated and often responsive in a more negative way. I am learning though to say sorry mummy didn’t deal with that very well!
I guess sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to be a parent that I thought I should be due to the fact that we went through so much to bring Layla and Kayden home.
I also had the same thoughts and expectations that new parents have about what kind of parent I thought I would be and how I would deal with the stages of parenting!
Yet here we are 10 months down the line with Neil sleeping on the sofa every night with Kayden whilst I sleep in bed with Layla!
We did have a routine and they did stay in their beds but something changed as they got a little older and although we didn’t alter our bedtime routine something within them changed.
I know that I am not the parent I thought I would be and everyday I face different challenges that I hadn’t even anticipated. However even though people might tell us how they think we should parent I firmly believe that we are doing our best.
I also know that our beautiful twins won’t be small for that long and this time is something we strived so hard to get! So if I have a child in my bed till 4 years old I will make the most of all those snuggles because before long they won’t want to be in our bed or lingering for a cuddle!
This time might seem really difficult and testing with two three year olds but I know that we will get there (wherever there is)!
All I know is we have two beautiful living children that we are fortunate enough to raise. They truly are our world and no matter what mistakes we are making they are not at risk, they are loved and we are willing to learn and adapt.
I will be forever grateful that we got to bring them home. I won’t ever forget our struggles to be here and I won’t forget or avoid talking about our beautiful Kora and Ava that would be six years old this year! I will also allow myself to talk about being a parent now after all those struggles and how it can be very guilt driven.
So I will hold onto them as tightly as possible, I will kiss their muddy, dirty faces, I will hang off the end of the bed with no space because of the little ones, I will continue to repeat myself a million times a day to put boundaries in place, I will answer the question and then answer it AGAIN when the other twin asks the same question immediately afterwards, I will squeeze them tightly and hold onto them being little for as long as I possibly can! I will love them more than there are stars in the sky!
Stars in the Sky 