I never thought I would be writing another blog about pregnancy or loss ever again but here I am! I’m writing this to give others hope and of course to raise awareness as always.
When Neil and I were on holiday with the twins he kept asking me to take a pregnancy test. I was very late for my period well in fact it just never arrived!
I can’t tell you how many times I told him to not be so daft! “I’m 45 years old Neil, I have one fallopian tube the chance of us being pregnant is less than 2%!
This went on for some time with me explaining to him that I had way more chance of being perimenopausal than pregnant!
Anyway we came back from holiday and Neil brought me a pregnancy test and told me to take it. I had all the usual symptoms of being pregnant but I just couldn’t believe that would be the case.
Imagine the shock when the test showed positive! We were pregnant again! We sat in silence, stunned! I made Neil buy another test and sure enough it showed positive!
After talks with a doctor we booked a private scan as I needed to know if the pregnancy was viable. However my dates were out and we were just under 6 weeks so no heartbeat could be seen. However there was a sac and a yolk and everything looked perfect for the gestation period.
She informed me that I had ovulated from the left side. The side where I have no tube! Yet the egg managed to travel to the other side and the right fallopian tube took the egg and the sperm met it and it implanted! A miracle especially at my age!
We couldn’t help but get swept up in the positives of this and we planned the future. A new car (more seats), how we would make the house bigger to fit our extended family! The excitement of this miracle sweeping our thoughts to the future, a new baby!
We booked another scan for after 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat. This scan was brought forward a few days. I had some blood when I wiped. No pain, no clots nothing too sinister but you can imagine my thoughts especially if you know all our history.
The scan date arrived and we went along expecting the worst. Instead we saw a heart beat!!! Baby had grown beautifully and the sonographer explained she could see nothing to indicate a miscarriage and the bleed could be normal. It happens in many more pregnancies than you can expect!
In fact once a heartbeat has been seen 78% of woman go onto have a healthy baby! I loved her positivity as she spoke about the statistics and facts!
However, I knew that my pregnancies were in the 22% category! We see the heartbeat and everything is perfect but we still lose the baby.
I rang the doctor to see if I could book a blood test to see if my hcg levels were rising. I wanted peace of mind. Unfortunately they were unable to do this but the doctor also confirmed the positives and focused on the fact I hadn’t seen any clots and the blood was just when I wiped.
I was worried. I knew my body and I know our history and that night I sat and prepared Neil for the worst. I told him that I knew something was wrong. He remained positive.
The doctor had referred me to the early pregnancy unit and two days later I was due to have a scan there and they were going to give me pessaries to help the hormones and stop the bleeding.
The night before the scan I had cramps. The blood was a little heavier and I really feared the worst.
I went along to the scan and they confirmed I had started to miscarry. The baby was no longer in the sac. The sac had collapsed and was sitting near my cervix.
I never anticipated ever having to sit in the early pregnancy unit again or hearing the words I’m sorry you are miscarrying but I also never ever thought I would see a positive pregnancy test.
So here I am sat in the garden undergoing the medical miscarriage at the old age of 45 years but this is the reason I write!
This was a miracle pregnancy. Fertility is a complicated subject and often brings joy and heartbreak. Whatever your journey and wherever you are in it please always hold onto hope.
Stars in the Sky 