A Mother’s Cry

A beautiful woman I know of wrote the other day about a mother’s cry. It was the cry of a mother whose child had died. She described it as a raw sound like nothing she had ever heard before. My thoughts went to my auntie and how she described her cries and screams when theContinue reading “A Mother’s Cry”

Like waiting for a bus!

We’ve all been there, stood at a bus stop waiting for what feels like an eternity for a bus. I’ve found our fertility journey very much like waiting for the bus. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that the waiting is what can be so difficult especially when you have no control over it. Unlike waitingContinue reading “Like waiting for a bus!”

Are you ok?

A very British question that is often asked frequently and as part of our everyday general conversation and greetings. It is a question that has always bothered me particularly with our British culture of having a stiff upper lip (showing fortitude and stoicism in the face of adversity, or exercising great self-restraint in the expressionContinue reading “Are you ok?”

Will you still walk with me?

It is very hard for anyone to truly walk in someone else’s shoes. A distant friend of mine contacted me this week to share her experience and thank me for finding the strength to write mine down. It touched me deeply and got me thinking. Our experiences are very different and I will never fullyContinue reading “Will you still walk with me?”

Bitter pill continued…

On Saturday I ended up back at the hospital on my own. The medical management of our miscarriage appeared not to have worked. I had been struggling the days before with people who contacted me with kindness and well intentioned messages or meanings. However sometimes people say or suggest something without truly understanding the situationContinue reading “Bitter pill continued…”

Decisions, decisions.

It wasn’t a pill to swallow and apparently we still had more to learn about pregnancy loss even after everything we have been through and even though this was our fourth loss. Getting ready to go to hospital everything seemed surreal. I chose a summer dress that I thought to myself I will probably neverContinue reading “Decisions, decisions.”

A bitter pill to swallow

It’s 4am in the morning and I had been laying awake in bed with sudden overwhelming bursts of grief and tears. I’m going into hospital today to take a pill to end our pregnancy. We had an 8 week scan yesterday and it showed our fears that the baby’s heart had stopped. We had onlyContinue reading “A bitter pill to swallow”

The voice in my head.

I have never been an anxious person on the whole. I have the same small anxieties and worries as others but I would say I’m not a overly anxious person. That was until we lost our children. As a sign language interpreter for the Deaf, I was given a sign name (a sign to useContinue reading “The voice in my head.”

Pregnant 2-3 weeks

They say knowledge is power, well on this occasion I would argue it is more of a hindrance. Neil and I have been through so much trying to conceive, being pregnant and losing that we are now armed with facts most expectant people wouldn’t necessarily think about or know. We kept taking the digital testContinue reading “Pregnant 2-3 weeks”