Bruised

It’s the day before transfer and somehow we have made it this far. My belly is bruised, my anxiety has been through the roof and my need to be supported has not gone to plan. I keep telling myself that Neil and I have no control over what is going to happen but the truthContinue reading “Bruised”

Side Effects!

We have now been injecting buserelin for two weeks. The first round of IVF I had some side effects on this injection, mainly mood swings and hot flushes. I went into this round believing I knew what to expect and how to prepare for the hormonal changes. A kind of been there got the t-shirtContinue reading “Side Effects!”

The tears aren’t falling.

Next month it will be two whole years since we were told our first babies, Kora and Ava (identical twins) had no heartbeats. It will be two years since I went into labour and delivered them in a silent room with no cries from them as they entered the world but the raw sobs fromContinue reading “The tears aren’t falling.”

The Right Support

As a self reflective woman, step and foster mum I strive to make sure my well being is cared for. I actively seek the support that I feel I might need to ensure that my emotions and state of mind do not affect those closet to me. It’s very difficult to know when my moodContinue reading “The Right Support”

Day 1 (or not)

Couples who embark on IVF know exactly what is meant by day 1. It usually signifies the start of your menstrual cycle and the start of a round of IVF. Following Neil’s and my miscarriage we have been waiting for Day 1 so we could start our IVF round. On Sunday we believed that ourContinue reading “Day 1 (or not)”

A Mother’s Cry

A beautiful woman I know of wrote the other day about a mother’s cry. It was the cry of a mother whose child had died. She described it as a raw sound like nothing she had ever heard before. My thoughts went to my auntie and how she described her cries and screams when theContinue reading “A Mother’s Cry”

Are you ok?

A very British question that is often asked frequently and as part of our everyday general conversation and greetings. It is a question that has always bothered me particularly with our British culture of having a stiff upper lip (showing fortitude and stoicism in the face of adversity, or exercising great self-restraint in the expressionContinue reading “Are you ok?”

Again we wait…

Pregnant 2-3 weeks! This is the result we normally want to see on the test. The amount of times I have peed on a stick and we have waited with baited breath to see the result. What many don’t realise is that when you miscarry or have a pregnancy loss, it takes time for theContinue reading “Again we wait…”

Decisions, decisions.

It wasn’t a pill to swallow and apparently we still had more to learn about pregnancy loss even after everything we have been through and even though this was our fourth loss. Getting ready to go to hospital everything seemed surreal. I chose a summer dress that I thought to myself I will probably neverContinue reading “Decisions, decisions.”