Self preservation.

I’m already madly in love with both of the babies that are growing inside me. This frightens me as I know how hard the potential fall can be! Im definitely not enjoying the pregnancy but my self preservation is slipping as each day passes. My hope grows as much as my love! I have neverContinue reading “Self preservation.”

Blood!

Yesterday I had a cramp on my right side, I wasn’t too bothered as I know to expect some cramps whilst the uterus adjusts to having not just one baby but two. However when I added the cramp to the worry that my pregnancy hormones were either subduing or I was getting more used toContinue reading “Blood!”

A moment in my head

It has to be a moment in my head as too much longer you would all want to abandon ship especially during the two week wait. We have all probably thought at some point that we are glad that no one can see into our head as thoughts run wild so I’m going to beContinue reading “A moment in my head”

Human

Grieving whilst on hormone drugs and planning for the future is very difficult and conflicting. Yesterday (9th August) was two years since Neil and I went for another scan and were told that Kora and Ava had no heartbeats. Since then we have lost many more babies and this seems to have added to myContinue reading “Human”

Side Effects!

We have now been injecting buserelin for two weeks. The first round of IVF I had some side effects on this injection, mainly mood swings and hot flushes. I went into this round believing I knew what to expect and how to prepare for the hormonal changes. A kind of been there got the t-shirtContinue reading “Side Effects!”

The tears aren’t falling.

Next month it will be two whole years since we were told our first babies, Kora and Ava (identical twins) had no heartbeats. It will be two years since I went into labour and delivered them in a silent room with no cries from them as they entered the world but the raw sobs fromContinue reading “The tears aren’t falling.”

A Mother’s Cry

A beautiful woman I know of wrote the other day about a mother’s cry. It was the cry of a mother whose child had died. She described it as a raw sound like nothing she had ever heard before. My thoughts went to my auntie and how she described her cries and screams when theContinue reading “A Mother’s Cry”

Again we wait…

Pregnant 2-3 weeks! This is the result we normally want to see on the test. The amount of times I have peed on a stick and we have waited with baited breath to see the result. What many don’t realise is that when you miscarry or have a pregnancy loss, it takes time for theContinue reading “Again we wait…”

Will you still walk with me?

It is very hard for anyone to truly walk in someone else’s shoes. A distant friend of mine contacted me this week to share her experience and thank me for finding the strength to write mine down. It touched me deeply and got me thinking. Our experiences are very different and I will never fullyContinue reading “Will you still walk with me?”