A place in my heart

I have always written when it’s baby loss awareness and the wave of light time. However this year I found it really difficult to want to write or to find the words. I have always said that grief doesn’t heal with time. I think we learnt to carry on in the new world we findContinue reading “A place in my heart”

Quiet Days

Life can sometimes be so very busy with Layla and Kayden. Often I’m caught up in my own thoughts wondering whether I am doing a good job as mum. As they grow and develop everyday brings new challenges and most days feel like a blur or whirlwind of mayhem with our two little active hurricanes!Continue reading “Quiet Days”

Comparison

Sometimes I feel like a lost child who still needs her mum and dad. I’m not sure if these feelings are valid and acceptable as an adult and a parent myself. I’m not sure if it is because it’s approaching my own mums birthday and the milestone of seventy years old. It seems so unrealContinue reading “Comparison”

Bad mum!

No matter whether you are a biological, non biological or bereaved mum, we all have those times and days when we feel like a bad mum. I know dads feel like this too but I am writing from my own perspective so will be talking as mum. Sometimes we can’t do right for doing wrongContinue reading “Bad mum!”

One year!

I can’t quite believe we have had a whole year of loving you upon your arrival! People often say it goes so fast and in so many ways it does! You will always be our babies but at the moment you are most definitely our little people. It has been an absolute pleasure to watchContinue reading “One year!”

Death Certificate

Another blogger that writes about baby loss awareness that I follow, posted about the fact that her babies death certificate shouldn’t be something she owns. I absolutely understand that this is definitely not the paperwork any parent would wish to own especially the process of going to a registry office to have it completed whilstContinue reading “Death Certificate”

Are they good babies?

It’s another question that I have been asked on so many occasions since bringing the twins home. Are they good babies? I am assuming the person asking is referring to how the babies are sleeping, whether they cry much or fuss about everything. Basically are they easy babies? I have never felt comfortable with thisContinue reading “Are they good babies?”

Overwhelming Emotions

After our first Christmas when we enter the dark days and nights of January and life becomes a little less hectic, there is time to reflect. Christmas didn’t go as I had imagined in my head and wasn’t as special as I had anticipated due to numerous reasons. However there were still some magical momentsContinue reading “Overwhelming Emotions”

3 Years Old

I can’t quite believe that I am sat here typing this on what would have been your third birthdays. I’m not sure how those three years have passed. I know that because of you both, you made me stronger and showed me a love I never understood before you. In those three years I startedContinue reading “3 Years Old”

A letter to Layla & Kayden

Dear Layla and Kayden, Since you came into our lives, I have often thought of the impact my grief has on your lives. One of the biggest concerns I often think about is what you would think if you read my blogs in your future. I know that as a mother myself I have neverContinue reading “A letter to Layla & Kayden”