A moment in my head

It has to be a moment in my head as too much longer you would all want to abandon ship especially during the two week wait. We have all probably thought at some point that we are glad that no one can see into our head as thoughts run wild so I’m going to beContinue reading “A moment in my head”

Transfer

I often wonder if I should share as much as I have done online for anyone to access. I worry that my life is readily available for anyone to read about. Then I remind myself that it is only a part of my life I am sharing and the reason I do is to helpContinue reading “Transfer”

Doubts

I asked Neil to stop the medication and injections the morning after the two year anniversary of delivering Kora and Ava. We hadn’t dealt with the anniversary well and our emotions got the better of us. We had put so much in place to try and have a “nice” time over the anniversary not justContinue reading “Doubts”

Human

Grieving whilst on hormone drugs and planning for the future is very difficult and conflicting. Yesterday (9th August) was two years since Neil and I went for another scan and were told that Kora and Ava had no heartbeats. Since then we have lost many more babies and this seems to have added to myContinue reading “Human”

Side Effects!

We have now been injecting buserelin for two weeks. The first round of IVF I had some side effects on this injection, mainly mood swings and hot flushes. I went into this round believing I knew what to expect and how to prepare for the hormonal changes. A kind of been there got the t-shirtContinue reading “Side Effects!”

The tears aren’t falling.

Next month it will be two whole years since we were told our first babies, Kora and Ava (identical twins) had no heartbeats. It will be two years since I went into labour and delivered them in a silent room with no cries from them as they entered the world but the raw sobs fromContinue reading “The tears aren’t falling.”

The Right Support

As a self reflective woman, step and foster mum I strive to make sure my well being is cared for. I actively seek the support that I feel I might need to ensure that my emotions and state of mind do not affect those closet to me. It’s very difficult to know when my moodContinue reading “The Right Support”

A Mother’s Cry

A beautiful woman I know of wrote the other day about a mother’s cry. It was the cry of a mother whose child had died. She described it as a raw sound like nothing she had ever heard before. My thoughts went to my auntie and how she described her cries and screams when theContinue reading “A Mother’s Cry”

Like waiting for a bus!

We’ve all been there, stood at a bus stop waiting for what feels like an eternity for a bus. I’ve found our fertility journey very much like waiting for the bus. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that the waiting is what can be so difficult especially when you have no control over it. Unlike waitingContinue reading “Like waiting for a bus!”