It wasn’t a pill to swallow and apparently we still had more to learn about pregnancy loss even after everything we have been through and even though this was our fourth loss. Getting ready to go to hospital everything seemed surreal. I chose a summer dress that I thought to myself I will probably neverContinue reading “Decisions, decisions.”
Tag Archives: zerotohero
A bitter pill to swallow
It’s 4am in the morning and I had been laying awake in bed with sudden overwhelming bursts of grief and tears. I’m going into hospital today to take a pill to end our pregnancy. We had an 8 week scan yesterday and it showed our fears that the baby’s heart had stopped. We had onlyContinue reading “A bitter pill to swallow”
The voice in my head.
I have never been an anxious person on the whole. I have the same small anxieties and worries as others but I would say I’m not a overly anxious person. That was until we lost our children. As a sign language interpreter for the Deaf, I was given a sign name (a sign to useContinue reading “The voice in my head.”
I don’t know how to live in your world.
I know from various online and face to face groups that what I am feeling is ‘normal’. Today I am struggling. I don’t know if it’s me and my expectations. I don’t know if I’m too sensitive. I don’t know if it’s just grief. Today my tears just keep coming. I don’t know if it’sContinue reading “I don’t know how to live in your world.”
Anniversary dates
It’s 2 years since I was pregnant with Kora and Ava. I can’t quite compute this. In one way it feels like longer with everything Neil and I have faced in those years but it also seems to have suddenly arrived. We took the test on the 16th May 2018. I find, I always struggleContinue reading “Anniversary dates”
Life goes on…
After losing Kora and Ava I found that I walked in a world that I no longer recognised. For us our world had coming crashing down and time had stood still. Yet everywhere we looked life went on. It felt so surreal to me. We had lost our babies and were preparing to cremate themContinue reading “Life goes on…”
Pregnant 2-3 weeks
They say knowledge is power, well on this occasion I would argue it is more of a hindrance. Neil and I have been through so much trying to conceive, being pregnant and losing that we are now armed with facts most expectant people wouldn’t necessarily think about or know. We kept taking the digital testContinue reading “Pregnant 2-3 weeks”
To blog or not to blog!
I’ve been struggling to write this last week. I spoke with a good friend of mine and she made a comment about how people may not want to read my blog due to the current situation with Coronavirus. She is a sensitive, emotional and empathetic person and a comment like this doesn’t normally leave herContinue reading “To blog or not to blog!”
Loss and Love
Against all odds
My sense of smell was heightened. I was retching at the dog poo bin. My appetite was decreased but when I was hungry I felt sick. All the signs of my previous pregnancies! My menstrual cycle wasn’t due for another 2 days but I went to the toilet that evening as I had enough ofContinue reading “Against all odds”
Stars in the Sky 