Naively, Neil and I thought when I fell pregnant that it would result in that beautiful bundle of joy. We didn’t expect to fall pregnant so quickly and we knew we were blessed.
You can imagine how overwhelming it was to be told that the bundle of joy we were expecting was in fact identical twins. Neil became very quiet as his thoughts raced and he started to feel slightly overwhelmed. I remember that I felt truly blessed to be having two babies and excited at the thought they would be identical.
We were told that they were in fact MCMA. In basic form this meant that they were in one sac with one placenta. A high risk pregnancy.
Second trimester at a scan we were told that the consultant was coming to join the sonographer. It was then that they told us our babies had no heartbeats. Our world as we knew it changed from that point on and has never been the same.
I decided to write this blog as so many situations have arisen through our journey of pregnancy loss, grief and now IVF. I wanted to share our experiences and hopefully help others who are also grieving or lost a child. I want to make pregnancy loss a subject that people are not afraid to talk about or help people who are nervous to talk about it gain some understanding and feel more confident to approach it.
I hope you like reading the blogs and that you find them useful and informative. X
Stars in the Sky 
I’ve written in to a few radio stations regarding Ivf, the clinics and our own journey. I doubt I’ll get a response but who knows. It’s quite a long one so apologies ……
Thank you for bring awareness to this taboo subject. I myself have just learnt I have adenomyosis and theres not much known about it but it’s possibly caused by child birth, uterine surgery and an overload of oestrogen and it’s often accompanied with painful periods and for many debilitating symptoms, although some of us like myself have the silent version (meaning no symptoms). Unlike endometriosis which can often be improved, adenomyosis is irreversible and completely life changing. The silent version is cruel and tends to go undiagnosed for years and by the time it is it can be too late. Unfortunately for us we were that optimistic couple sat in the waiting room of these Ivf clinics being told there was nothing wrong and yet the one thing we were needing help with is the one thing they potentially caused or made worst through fertility medication. Ironic indeed!
I’ll share our story with you regarding the reality of IVF and the fertility clinics that prey on desperation.
I feel it’s a subject that needs to be raised more often and there should be more awareness of fertility struggles, the mental impact it can have on many couples and the heavy financial implications multiple IVF attempts can have.
My husband and I started trying for a family after we married five years ago; just like most couples. When nothing happened, we approached our local GP who suggested a visit to a gynaecologist.
This was where our problems and lack of trust in Fertility practitioners began. I was given a routine scan and the Dr. told me I had polycystic ovaries and suggested ‘ovarian drilling’ so booked me in the following week. I declined this as I knew nothing about the procedure and it sounded barbaric. We decided at this point to go private and get a second opinion.
At the private clinic, I had a procedure called a hycosy where they insert a dye through your fallopian tubes to check they are open … which they were. At this point I was told there was nothing wrong with either of us and to go away and try naturally for a while. I was frustrated and knew something wasn’t right. We went back after 6 months of nothing happening and I insisted further to start IVF. The Dr. advised us to go for ‘natural Ivf’ and it was very likely to work first time. Fast forward a month and first cycle of Ivf we had zero fertilisation with 15 eggs. Not only were we devastated but we’d also just lost £5000. There was no explanation other than it’s very rare to happen and if we give them another £5000 they’ll give us another cycle. Fast forward 5 years, £30,000, a lot of heartache and 6 Ivf cycles later we learnt that my tube was blocked by the hycosy procedure itself, I’ve not got polycystic ovaries, I now have a condition called adenomyosis which is potentially been caused by the excessive amounts of oestrogen from the fertility medication (which is not researched enough) and my husband’s sperm is likely to be missing a fertilising protein which suggests we will never get pregnant naturally.
Not only has this brutal fertility journey been the worst thing in our lives but it’s mentally and physically damaged us. I’m now naturally less fertile thanks to these clinics and most likely never able to carry a baby as a result of adenomyosis. Other’s need to be aware that they are a business and we are their customers often handing over our life savings, relying on nothing more than guess work and low odds. Mistakes are made everyday and yet they will cover up and deny any fault on their part to avoid refunds and save reputations.
There is not enough testing for couples and if there were it could save a lot of marriages in the long run as well as protecting ones sanity.
IVF, miscarriages and infertility is a very under rated and taboo subject that many do not talk about and I think it’s important we get this out there so others are prepared for what can happen.
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Hayley, I think it’s so important to raise awareness of just how hard infertility and IVF really is. Your attitude is inspiring and I’m glad that your marriage became stronger. I was lucky in that respect too. Thank you for taking the time to raise this and I hope that one day our journeys won’t be such a taboo subject xx
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