Viability

It’s official we are now 24 weeks pregnant. I have spoken before about the medical terminology and how both Neil and I have struggled with it in the past. In particular I struggle with the fact that Kora and Ava were medically labelled as non viable.

This is because a baby under 24 weeks is deemed unable to survive independently after birth. Yet we know that there have been occasions where babies have been born under this timescale and survived. Medically they make you aware that there will be medical issues with any baby born under 24 weeks and premature before 40 weeks.

The longer the baby remains in the womb and the nearer you are to the due date the more chance your baby has of survival with less complications.

A friend of mine messaged me to say happy viability day. She is a friend who has lost a little boy, is an angel mum and suffered another pregnancy loss. She understands the milestone of the 24th week mark.

Yet I’m still terrified with twins that I will have an early labour especially with the placenta previa. I hope that my body is good enough to maintain and manage the twins for as long as possible in the womb. Neil must feel the same as when we discussed this he stated that they can stay in the womb for as long as possible.

An early labour would mean neonatal care and weeks/months in hospital which is hard enough without a virus to worry about.

I guess from the moment you conceive a child or children you instantly worry that you are doing the best for them. Doing your best might be looking after yourself and not doing as much (something I probably neglect).

Now that we are 24 weeks not only can I feel the babies but so can Neil and Alissa. I said previously that when I could feel them move I would probably worry less as at least I would know they are still doing ok.

I may have been a little naive with that statement as I find myself sitting there at day or laying in bed at night thinking ‘they haven’t moved yet and wondering why’.

Sometimes the moment I think it they move and reassure me. Other times I have to be more patient. I can’t feel our boy as much as his placenta is cushioning him but I can most definitely feel our girl strongly.

I struggle with not being able to see inside and check on them. Now that I feel them move I worry they will move to much and the cord will tangle around them. I know this will be a natural fear due to Kora and Ava dying this way.

It’s not constant worry all day every day it’s just at times these thoughts enter my head. I feel bad that Neil and I can’t just enjoy this pregnancy but we understand that what we have been through will impede on us. This is our norm for our pregnancy.

I think I find it so hard at the moment because of the pandemic. I can’t sit with a friend in my house, have a cup of tea and put their hand on my belly to feel the twins. We can’t visit family with our scan photos or heartbeat teddy bears. We tend to end up speaking to family individually by phone and have to remember to tell one another who we woke to and what was said.

I’m not sure i would have have had a baby shower but the pandemic has ensured this doesn’t happen. Neil is not allowed in appointments with me and we believe at the moment he will only be allowed in during labour at the point the head of one of the babies is showing.

If we have to have a c section we are unsure when he will be allowed in with me but I guess they will discuss this nearer the time.

Yet with all this added pressure and negativity around us there are moments that bring smiles to our faces and tears to our eyes.

Whether it is a friend that has stopped off on our doorstep and given us a little gift for the babies or a friend that texts to check in through this difficult and strange time to be pregnant.

But most importantly the biggest smile we have on our faces right now is due to the hope that the 24th week mark brings. We are counting down now only 11-14 weeks left dependent on natural, c section and no early labour!

That photo of Neil walking out of the hospital with two carry cots has never felt so possible. I won’t fool myself that the next 11–14 weeks will be easy and we know there are no guarantees but the end of the pregnancy is in sight!