It’s that time of year again when Mother’s Day is fast approaching! A day that I have often found challenging for one reason or another.
When my own mum passed away it was a day I struggled with because my love for her never died but the joy of celebrating that day did! I was always so envious of those that got to spend the day with their mum and embrace that relationship.
I would often spend the day drinking and dancing. Trying my best to mark the day in a way that resembled my mum’s personality and wishes.
When I became a foster parent and a step mum it was a day I found difficult for another reason. Loving someone who isn’t biologically related to you is something special and unique. It’s a choice to have those people in your life!
I knew my title was not always mum but I knew that our relationship was one of a kind with the clear role of parenting. However as relationships broke down or people moved on (often in upsetting circumstances) it was a reminder that being mum is the toughest job in the world.
It was a realisation that sometimes no matter how much you wanted to fill someone’s boots or provide a safe and loving home it was not always going to go to plan and that often lead to heartbreak.
Then came along Kora and Ava. Our identical twin girls who changed everything about the person I had been! Being their mum and holding them in our hands only for a while was both an honour and soul destroying.
I had now done what most of the world perceived as being mum! I had delivered my own biological children yet I didn’t bring them home. Instead I stood with my husband and my beautiful step daughter and looked at the tiniest white coffin.
We had to say goodbye. We had to carry on in the world when we felt everything had come crashing down. The world carried on and we struggled on. The pain was like something we had never experienced before.
We suffered more losses and had trouble conceiving quickly again. I don’t know how many pregnancy tests we took where we looked at a negative result. It took a year to conceive again.
We undertook IVF a enduring process and our first attempt failed resulting in fertility issues we didn’t have previously.
It’s been a difficult and emotional time to get to our 5th pregnancy where we were blessed to bring Layla and Kayden home.
Mothers Day now is completely changed for me. I have so many mixed emotions on the day and often don’t know whether to laugh or cry or just do both.
What I do know is that I truly am the most blessed mother in the world to have those little humans engulf me with hugs and kisses.
To watch them grow and develop into wonderful little humans with strength and personality is the best gift I could have ever received.
I can’t count how many times I hear mumma in one day but I will never tire of hearing that special word come out of your tiny mouths.
I will be forever grateful to Kora and Ava for giving us hope. I am even more grateful to share a love like never before with two adorable and perfect children.
Thank you Layla and Kayden for being you! Thank you coming into our world and changing me to be a better person.
We love you more than there are stars in the sky. X
Stars in the Sky 