The little things!

Lately after some family disagreements I have started to review and analyse what is important and why!

We are very blessed as a family. We both work very hard and this enables us to take our family on many holidays.

It has always been important to me to give my family the experiences that I didn’t have the opportunity to undertake. I was 21 years old when I first flew abroad and I saved hard to pay for that holiday.

I am at the moment sat on a plane with Neil, Layla & Kayden (our first holiday just us four for a long time so it feels a little strange)! From memory, and I don’t mean that to sound pretentious but I believe it is Layla & Kayden’s 7th flight at just 3 years 5 months old!

They have experienced other countries, cultures, pride events, music festivals, circuses and pantos mainly thanks to my job as an interpreter and my wax business but also thanks to our hard work as parents.

I am glad we have been able to give them these experiences but to me it is the little things that count more. The whole ten days we have ahead of us with devoted attention and quality time together.

It’s the building sand castles on the beach, the dancing to the kids entertainment, playing in the pool, meals out together, the cuddles and kisses, the fun, laughter and love that we feel on these breaks.

We chose to go on a holiday every month this year as it is our last full year together before they go to school at the young age of just 4 years 4 months old!

This literally breaks my heart and my eyes fill with tears! If I wasn’t such an old mum I would definitely be looking to have more children and grow our family! Neil however is grateful we are old!!!

I often wonder what our lives look like to others on social media or any other platform! I wonder if people think my children are spoilt?

Before this holiday Layla asked me mummy is this a working holiday? Although I will keep my wax business open I am not interpreting for 10 days. I answered with this and saw the smile on her face!

She is of course referring to when I work a music festival, circus, Pride, or panto. Fun activities that they experience and enjoy but not with my full undivided attention!

I absolutely feel grateful for what our work provides for our children and the experiences it gives them in respect to their world knowledge, growth and development. However I also know that they wouldn’t care if we were at home making cakes!

I don’t think I am a bad mum for trying to give them everything with an understanding of work hard, play harder! The commitment to gain a career and a business that provides for them – a work ethic.

However I know the importance of being present. I want them to reflect on their childhood differently from how I reflect on mine. I am not saying I had bad parents I just want to do things differently.

My mum and dad worked a lot due to debts and financial commitments so I didn’t spend much time with them.

We did go on caravan holidays but upon reflection this was to spend time in the club house! I also found out recently that our beloved caravan was not stolen but actually rather something more sinister my parents undertook but that’s a whole different story!

I can count on one hand how many times my father has told me he loves me. I tell my children every single day with meaning and purpose! They are not just words I float around they are intentional and honest. They are heartfelt and true and not just words that I band around with no purpose.

I kiss them and cuddle them everyday! I strive to make them laugh each and everyday. My aim is their happiness!

I don’t remember my mum and dad making cookies for Santa with me. I don’t remember leaving anything for Santa or writing letters to post or receiving letters. In fact I found out at a young age who left the stocking at the end of the bed when my parents fell on me drunk. Christmas Eve wasn’t spent indoors making memories with them, they went out and we had a babysitter.

This year I have decided to take Christmas Eve off! I usually work a panto but I’m going to do a different night. The twins are now of an age where they will remember these moments and although it is lovely to take them to the panto on Christmas Eve I want to do the smaller things with them this year while they are young.

I want to build magical memories that they will treasure when they are older and hopefully pass onto their children if they are blessed or choose to have them.

This year I want to make cookies for Santa, leave out reindeer food for Rudolph. I want to get into our matching PJs and watch a Christmas movie. I want to sing and dance to Christmas songs as we decorate the house early December.

I want to leave the key for Santa to get in and watch their faces when they receive their letter from Santa.

I want them to be able to look back on their childhood with fondness. I definitely don’t get it right all the time and if I was in a job review I would have a list of areas to improve!

However, I do know the importance of the little things, the cuddles, the kisses, the laughter and the being there.

So although they might be fortunate enough to go on holidays I know whether we are at the beach at home or a beach on a holiday destination it really is the sandy toes and salty kisses that I hope they will cherish.